My Alice Fair
by Rachel L Driscoll
Summary: Alice Corby is just a family friend, so why is Ben acting so strangely around her? Whatever the reason, Louise doesn't like it, and fights against it with all her might. But with the family divided, how can Ben's plans go ahead? Will Louise ever forgive him for betraying her and her mother? And will the family pull through the struggles that are ahead? 3rd Louise Cartwright story
1. My Lady Tomboy

**Okay, so I know I said that I wouldn't be posting the first chapter until the whole story is complete, but I kind of gave up on that idea when I heard from Islaboe yesterday. Thank you for the encouragement. I have written loads today to get nearer to completing this story, and have now decided to post the first chapter. I may not be able to post quite as often as I normally do, but I will do my best. It will depend on how much time I have as I am starting my aprenticeship in Horse Care on Monday, so being in full time work is going to be completely different - but I can't wait! Also, the reason why I haven't done quite as much writing as I had hoped is because I was ill for a bit, then I was in a play for a week, and then I went on a beach mission for a week. Busy stuff! So, now that life is quiet for a few days before work starts, I will try to write, _write_, WRITE! I hope you enjoy this story. As you will see, Louise is a bit older than she was in the last one, but it worked better for me that way. Hope you like this story. I've been planning this one since I wrote my very first one just under a year ago (wow, where does the time go?). Enjoy, folks!**

* * *

**My Alice Fair**

**Chapter 1 – My Lady Tomboy**

Louise Cartwright raced her brother Little Joe across the Ponderosa. There was no telling that she was a girl at first glance, for she rode astride and dressed in shirt and pants with a Stetson flying behind her, kept on by stampede strings that were tied about her neck. Her face was dirty, her clothes were torn – there was nothing feminine about her at all. The only factor that hinted at her true sex were the two long, brown plaits that flapped about her head as she rode.

She yelled wildly as she galloped along, certain that she would win the race home. They never galloped into the yard, but always finished their races by a particular Ponderosa Pine that stood a little way before the house. After their mother Marie had died in an accident after riding into the yard at full speed, Ben had banned all cantering and galloping into the yard. Thus the Ponderosa Pine outside the yard marked the end of the race.

It was in sight now, so Louise urged her pony on faster.

"Come, Salt!" she said as she leaned close to her pony's ear. "Let's make Little Joe eat dust!"

And they did just that!

Not only was Salt a good natured pony – he was an extremely fast pony. In walk and trot he moved at a steady pace, but once Louise cantered and galloped him, he threw his head high and tore along at a speed that sent the world scurrying in a blur on either of side of her.

When they reached the pine, Louise brought Salt back to a gradual stop, and they waited for Joe to arrive on his horse.

"I beat ya!" the nine year old girl declared happily when her brother drew rein alongside her.

Joe ignored this comment. "Come on – they've worked hard. Let's cool them off."

Giving their horses longer reins, the two children squeezed their horses on. It wasn't long before they arrived on the yard, sweating, laughing and breathing heavily.

Hoss came out of the barn to greet them. "You two better get cleaned up. Pa's got comp'ny!"

"Company?" Louise groaned as she dismounted and led Salt into the barn. "For Pete's sake! Why does Pa have to be so hospitable?"

"Because it's the right way to be," Adam voice sounded from the doorway, making Louise jump and turn around. Adam's brow creased into a frown. "Where have you two been for so long? It's a hot day and those horses are covered in sweat. Not to mention yourselves!"

"Oh, Adam, stop being so fussy!" Louise declared as she pulled Salt's saddle off him and patted his back to get the blood circulating. "We'll sponge them off, and then change into some clean clothes."

"Well, you'd better hurry," Adam said. He looked at her filthy face and saw a cut on her cheek. Reaching out and holding her chin to keep her face still, he inspected it. "What did you do to yourself?"

"Huh? Oh, that's nothing. Salt rode me into a tree and almost left me in it – I just got a scratch from one of the twigs sticking out."

"He rode you into a tree?" Adam repeated with one of his eyebrows rising.

Louise laughed the occurrence away, knowing that Adam would probably tell her to ride more carefully. Phew! Who wanted to keep a constant check on everything in life? Not Louise. She wanted excitement and adventure.

Louise picked up a pail and sponge and walked over to Salt.

"Look here, Louise," Hoss said, "I'll do that for ya. You too, Joe! Pa won't be none too happy if you keep him waiting much longer. I'll sort out the horses, and you go get cleaned up."

"Oh, Hoss – we'll be stuck inside till Pa's guest goes – and you know how I hate being behind four walls. Come on – it won't take me too long. Just a few minutes longer for me to enjoy myself – and few more minutes for Pa and his distinguished guest to wait! Hey Adam, who is it anyway?"

"You know that's not the attitude, young lady. Thank Hoss and accept his offer, then fly like the wind and change into some clean clothes."

Louise rolled her eyes, but did as Adam said, handing Hoss the bucket.

"You want to help too, Adam?" she asked, throwing the wet sponge at him.

Adam glared at her as he wiped his shirt where the sponge had hit him, and called after her as she headed towards the house, "Make sure you put a dress on! To answer your question, Pa's guest is Alice Corby, and I'm quite sure that Pa would not be very happy if Alice saw you looking like that."

"Well, she's gonna see me looking like this, 'cause the sitting room is between me and my room. As if she thinks I'm gonna put on a stuffy dress in this heat just for her, she's got another thing coming!"

Joe quickly followed his sister towards the house, leaving Adam and Hoss to exchange a look.

"You know what, Adam?" Hoss asked. "That sister of ours sure has grown sassy over the years! She's got a smart mouth just like you!"

"Yes – but she doesn't know when to stop," Adam said dryly. "I sure hope she puts on a dress – for her sake, as well as Pa's."

Louise stormed up to the house.

"Why does Miss Alice have to come to our house all the time – with her frills and flounces and flirting? And Pa wants me to dress like her when she's here," Louise grumbled. "Well I'm not going to be something that I ain't just for some …" she opened the door and forced a sweet smile, "Why hello, Miss Alice, Pa."

"Louise, Joe, at last …" Ben said, looking up. A quick frown darted across his face when he saw their appearance.

Alice Corby was a woman in her mid-twenties, with auburn hair tied into a neat bun, and, as Louise had quite rightly predicted, a dress with lace and frills! She smiled from where she sat as Louise and Joe entered, and tried not to laugh when she noted Ben's frustration at his children's, most noticeably, Louise's appearance.

"I think you had better go upstairs and change before you join us," Ben said.

Louise nodded her head at Ben and then Alice, before running up the stairs. Joe followed her at a slower pace. She was pushing it with Ben, and Joe knew it. Louise knew that Ben did not like running in the house – and especially when they had company.

When they went round the corner at the top of the stairs, Joe grabbed Louise's arm and hissed, "You'd better watch yourself. Pa's as mad as a nest of yellow jackets! You'd better put on a dress, Louise."

"Oh, Joe, don't be silly. It's far too hot to have to wear a dress. It covers me up so I can't breathe!"

"Suit yourself," Joe said, shrugging his shoulders. "It's your hide."

Louise glared at him and went to her room, closing her door behind her. She knew Joe was right – though she hated to admit the fact – and reluctantly picked out a dress from her closet. It was her favourite dress – not because she liked wearing dresses, because she didn't much – but it was green, which was her favourite colour. What's more, she had to admit she looked nice in it. The pink one was ridiculous, and she had told Ben not to buy the white lace one because she would never wear it. She hated lace! It was frilly, and pretty and far too … too … girly.

"But I am a girl!" Louise thought in dismay. She huffed. "It would have been so much easier if I was boy! If Ma was still alive I'd probably see things different," she admitted to herself. "But I'm the only girl – and living in a house full of males a female just can't be … well, female. Well, not easily – and being a female sure ain't easy. I'd much rather be a boy! Boys get to do things that girls can't! Girls have to wear stupid clothes, sit elegantly, talk elegantly, act weak, and faint all the time. Ugh! I want to ride, be wild and free, and wear what I want to wear, act like I want to act, be strong, and just … just be myself!"

She had finished undressing now, and quickly pulled the dress on, struggling not to get sashes and frills in her mouth. Once she had put the dress on and done it up, she looked at herself in the mirror. She had to admit, an amazing transformation had taken place – except for her face and hair.

Louise poured some water into the basin on her dresser and splashed some water on her face. Then she dried her face on a towel and looked at her reflection again.

Pulling her messy braids out, Louise combed through her hair with her fingers. It looked nice down, especially when it tumbled past her shoulders. She smiled. She could almost see her mother in the mirror as she looked at herself. She was a lot like her mother when she dressed like a lady. A lot like her pictures.

Suddenly, Louise felt a sense of loss and loneliness.

"This isn't right," she told her reflection. "I should want to be like this all the time. Ma rode side saddle – I should, too. I should want to be like her. But I'm … I'm different. Am I different in the right way? I don't know how to be anything but what I am!"

Louise sighed. It was difficult, far too difficult, being the only girl in the family. At least she might have had a sister – but no! Instead she had three brothers.

Adam was somewhere between a brother and a father. He was so much older, and seemed almost bossy. Not in a mean way – just he felt the need to tell her what to do a little too much. At least, that was how Louise felt. But she loved Adam very much. She couldn't imagine life without him now! He had been home just over three years now – but it felt like longer. It was almost as if he had always been there.

As for Hoss, well, he never told her what to do quite like Adam. He would suggest things, and was always there to lend a helping hand or put in a word for her.

Joe was her childhood playmate – and because of that, she had grown up perhaps closest to him. He wasn't her favourite brother because she didn't have favourites. She loved all of her brothers equally. Besides, Joe could be annoying sometimes – and that caused the two of them to argue.

Louise had lost her shyness a long time ago – and something else had taken its place. The Cartwright temper! Adam had once told her that the Cartwright temper wasn't a bad thing, just so long as she didn't let it control her.

Louise was afraid that it did, though. There were times when she could be very calm – perhaps when someone else wasn't. But there were other times when she had a tendency to snap and be sassy and didn't always think before she spoke or acted.

Louise took a deep breath and let it out slowly before checking herself over in the mirror one more time and leaving her room. Joe was already downstairs, smiling his winning smile at Alice and chatting comfortably with her.

Louise sighed. She liked Alice, she really did. It was just … why did she have to visit so very much? And why did Ben want her to come? There was always a sparkle in his eyes when Alice was there that Louise didn't like.

Adam had noticed it too. Louise knew that he had. She had seen him studying Ben over the rim of his glass at meal times.

Why was Ben acting so strangely around Alice?

Louise hurried down the stairs, making sure that she didn't run. She didn't want to annoy Ben any more than she had.

"I'm sorry about that, Miss Alice," Louise said, smiling pleasantly as she sat down with the rest of the family.

"It must have been so hot when you were riding," Alice said understandingly. "I realize that you needed to change."

"_But not into something hot and stuffy like this!" _Louise thought. "Yes it was hot," she said, forcing another smile.

"Really – riding about in this heat – surely it would be better to stay at home in the shade?" Alice asked.

"But then I would be wasting the weather that we all long for in the winter," Louise said matter-of-factly. "What's the use in sitting in the shade when it's sunny, and longing for snow – and bundling up when it's snowy, and wanting sun?"

"Well, you look healthy for it," Alice said, patting Louise's arm. "Come now, Louise. Ben and I have been talking. We thought it would be a good idea if I came up here every Saturday to help you with your sewing – and you could have some female company."

Louise went ridged and pulled her arm away from Alice's touch. "But Saturdays and Sundays are my only free days. I … I couldn't. I don't want to spend Saturday sewing – I want to ride and go fishing and swimming! Who wants to sit in a house and do some dumb old samplers?"

"Louise!" Ben admonished. "Alice was being thoughtful and offering to give of her time for you."

Louise flushed and her eyes fell down to her lap, "I'm sorry, Miss Alice. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. But I'm more than happy with the company that my brothers and father offer. I like it to be me and _just_ them." Her eyes darted up in time to see Adam raise an eyebrow and conceal a smile at her inference. "And although I am sure you enjoy sewing, it is not at all in my line."

"But Louise, dear, you need to learn to sew. Every lady knows how to sew!"

"Well, I'm sure every lady does," Louise said, standing up. "But as I'm not going to be a lady, I guess that don't bother me much. I'm going to work this ranch, just like my brothers – and no ranch hand needs to know how to sew in order to rope a steer or break a bronc!"

"Come, come, Louise, I know you don't mean this really," Alice said, trying to cover up her shock at Louise's words.

Ben watched on with a mixture of annoyance at his daughter's stubbornness, and gratefulness for Alice's interest in his daughter.

"Oh, but I do, Ma'am!" Louise said determinedly. "And while I appreciate you concerning yourself over me – I'm afraid I don't thank you for discussing with my Pa what I am doing with my time and life, when that is between me and my family!"

"Louise!" Ben said, standing up from his chair and grabbing his daughter's arm. "You apologize to Alice right now!"

Louise's eyes filled with tears, but she fought them back. Why did she feel like she was fighting everyone? "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just …"

"It's alright, Louise. Maybe you're right – we should have waited until you were in the room. I just expressed an interest in you and wondered how you were learning the arts necessary for a woman to know without there being a woman in the house to teach you."

"I do fine without a woman in the house. My Pa and brothers teach me everything I need to know. Perhaps most girls would like to be stuck indoors and wear fancy clothes, and watch the men sweat and work in the sun – but not me. I've lived all my life alongside men, and I want to be like them. I want to work and sweat alongside my family, and wear clothes that I can get dirty in and not worry about being fancy and prim and proper. Most girls wouldn't like that – but I'm not like most girls. I never have been. I'm _me_!" and she pointed to herself. "And nobody can change who I am!"

Alice sighed and looked down at her lap as she smoothed out her skirt. Finally she looked up, "Ben, I don't think I can change your daughter's mind. My offer still stands if she does at all change her mind – but I understand that, as it is one of her few free days, she would prefer to do the things that she enjoys. I must go now – I don't want to impose upon you any longer."

She rose and said good-bye to the family. Ben walked out onto the porch with her.

"Thank-you for being so understanding, Alice! Don't think badly of Louise for what she said. She's just not used to being around women. It makes me feel like I've failed her somewhere along the way!"

"You are the perfect father for her, Ben, and don't you ever forget that. I could never think badly of Louise. She is a dear, and only needs a woman's guiding here and there."

"Louise is far too stubborn," Ben declared. "I will talk to her about it. She speaks her mind far too freely. I wish that her mother was still alive. What Louise needs more than anything else is a mother's guidance!"

"I'd be happy to fill in that position," Alice said, gazing into Ben's eyes. Her eyes opened wide when she realized what she had said, and she hurried to add, "As a friend, of course!"

Ben smiled, and his eyes sparkled with that same shine that Louise and Adam had picked up on of late.

"I appreciate that. Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home?"

"Nonsense! I am fully capable of driving the buggy."

"Won't you stay for supper?"

"And leave Pa alone? No. I can't trust him not to blow up the kitchen in his attempts to cook for himself. I'd better hurry home before my house lights up as a beacon to light the way, and is burnt to a crisp by the time I arrive!"

Ben smiled and helped Alice into the buggy.

"Take care."

"I will – and you," Alice said, and then clicked the horses on.

Ben watched the buggy drive out of the yard, and then wandered thoughtfully into the house.

Hoss and Joe had started a game of checkers, and Adam was pretending to read a book whilst scrutinizing Louise over the top of it. The latter's face looked a mixture of anger, stubbornness and sadness.

Ben perched on the table in front of Louise and studied her for a moment, whilst she focused on the dining room table and chairs, trying not to look at Ben.

"Well?" Ben finally spoke.

Louise looked at him in a manner as if she hadn't realized that he was there. "Well, Pa?" she asked with forced cheerfulness.

"Well, why are you in such a mood?"

"I don't know," Louise answered truthfully as she turned away. "There's something strange going on – and I don't understand. I feel … confused."

"What's going on? What are you talking about?" Ben asked tenderly, taking her hand in his.

"I can't explain it – and I don't think I'll know until it happens."

"Could you try to explain it?"

"No," Louise said, shaking her head as she stared vacantly ahead of her. How could she explain to Ben that she was afraid that he was being too informal with Miss Alice – that by being that way he was somehow betraying her mother? She couldn't. It would hurt his feelings, for he would never want to betray Marie. Besides, she didn't understand why she felt that way anyway. Alice was only a family friend – there was nothing wrong with Ben being friendly to her. So why did it upset her so much?

"Alright," Ben said, patting her knee when he saw that he couldn't get anything else out of her. "I wasn't very happy with how you addressed Alice today – you were rude to her. Don't embarrass me like that again."

"Yes, sir," Louise said, without looking up. She knew that Hoss and Joe weren't studying the tiles on the checkerboard – they were listening to Ben's words. And Adam wasn't really reading that book – he had been keeping an eye on her ever since Alice had left. She hated it when everyone heard Ben reprimand her.

Louise sighed when she realized that it was her pride that was affected. Why was she such a stubborn, hot-headed, proud tomboy? She was probably a disappointment to her family! But this was the way of life that she had been brought up in, so why was Ben allowing some woman to step in and try and change things for her now?

Well, Louise wasn't going to change! She was who she was, and she liked being who she was. And nobody, not even a good friend of her father's, was going to change her!

* * *

**Well, what do you think of Miss Alice? What do you think of Louise now that she's a bit older? I hope she's just as you imagined her to be as a nine year old. What do you think might be ahead for the family in the rest of the story? I will try to update as soon as possible - and the more reviews I get, the more I will be encouraged to write and post! *Evil laugh* (I'm awful for manipulating! Soz!) Please do review though. I long to hear from you, guys!**


	2. The Announcement

**Hey, there. Sorry for the delay. Work is going really well, and I'm finding time to do some writing almost every day after work! College starts on Monday, so exciting stuff! And to answer your question, Aurea, I was in the Agatha Christie play 'Appointment wih Death'. I don't know if you know it, but it's a murder mystery. I played Ginevra Boynton, neither murdered party or culprit, but I was a suspect (and it was a very challenging role as she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and basically a little crazy!). I also got to do an American accent, which was so much fun! Best accent ever!**

**Anyway, enough about my show - here's the next chapter at last. Thanks for the reviews so far, folks! :-)**

* * *

**Chapter 2 – The Announcement**

Louise braided her hair before she went to sleep. It had been a long day at school, but a rewarding one. She had won the spelling bee in her grade's group, and Ben was very proud of her. She was very smart, like Adam, and although she didn't enjoy studying quite as much as her older brother, she liked it a lot more than Joe did.

Sliding under the covers on her bed, Louise leaned against her pillows, staring at the miniature of her mother that she held in her hands.

Marie Cartwright.

A true lady!

Louise found her mind wandering back to Alice Corby's visit last week, and as she remembered that day, she felt a pang of pain as a thought struck her. Would Marie be disappointed in her as she looked and acted? Was she a disappointment to her Pa and brothers? Was she a disgrace to the Cartwright name?

Why did she have to sew and wear dresses just because she was a female? It was quite fun to dress up if an occasion called for such – but Louise did prefer to wear pants and shirts like her brothers. It was more practical for a girl on a working ranch. Besides, she had to wear dresses for school and church, so of course she wanted to spend the rest of her time in the freeing garb of pants and shirt.

Perhaps it would be better if she acted more ladylike. She knew that her Pa wanted her to be a lady, but her brothers accepted her as she was. They admired her spunk – so surely they admired who she was. For Louise Marie Cartwright was spunky!

Then why did she feel so confused? Why was this subject – which had been brought up a few days ago and then dropped just as suddenly as it had been broached – bugging her mind so much?

Why?

The door to Louise's bedroom opened, and she looked up to see Adam standing in the doorway.

"Not asleep?" he asked.

"Do I look it?" Louise sassed teasingly with a twinkle in her eye.

Adam shook his head at her, but stopped when he saw what was in her hands.

"What are you doing? Thinking?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders and placed the miniature back where it belonged on her bedside table. "I guess."

"What's wrong, Louise? You've been quiet for the past few days. That's not like you."

Louise felt her cheeks burning as she realized that Adam was studying her face. He was trying to read her mind again – and she hated it when he did that. Especially when she didn't want him to know what was there.

"No, I guess it's not. I was just wondering if … and if you would only tell me …" she died away.

"Tell you what?" Adam asked curiously, perching on the side of her bed.

"Tell me if I should learn to sew; if I should ride side saddle; if I should wear frills and lace and …"

"Whoa, little sister! Steady on there – you don't need to dramatically change your life. Yes, it's good to be able to sew and a young lady should wear dresses – but she can wear practical clothes for a working ranch, too. All you need to do is balance your ideals for your life with the right way for a lady to act. I don't see the problem in you riding astride, and Pa has never complained – so why change to side saddle now? If you don't like lace and frills, then choose dresses that suit your style, whilst at the same time being attractive. You don't have to be exactly the same as every girl or woman you see. You don't have to dress and act and talk like Miss Alice."

"How did you know that she had anything to do with this? Oh, yes, of course – I forgot who I was speaking to. The all-knowing mind reader!" Louise laughed.

Adam smiled, "Louise, you are your own person – and there should never be a set pattern for a woman to be that can't be shaped and moulded for each person. Be yourself – but only if that falls in line with Pa's rules. If he doesn't lecture you for what you do, you can't be doing anything wrong. Agreed?"

Louise grinned, "Agreed."

"Good," Adam said, standing up. He bent over to tuck her in and plant a kiss on her cheek. "Now how about you get some sleep, my lady tomboy?"

Louise smiled, "Sure. Goodnight!"

Adam turned to leave.

"Adam," Louise's voice caused Adam to look back to his sister.

"Yes, Lou?"

"Thanks – for talking. You always set my mind at ease." She sighed happily before adding, "Love you."

"I love you, too," Adam said, leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

Louise snuggled down under the covers happily, and sank against her pillows satisfactorily. Yes, Adam had put her mind at rest – and now she could sleep.

* * *

The next day, being a Saturday, Louise was thrilled to be able to ride and fish and swim to her heart's content. Lake Tahoe was the perfect spot for swimming in this hot weather, so Louise was only too pleased to race Joe from the Ponderosa Pine to the lake and then cool off in the refreshing waters.

Salt and Cochise grazed by the water's edge where the grass was the sweetest, twitching their ears at the noise coming from the two youngest Cartwrights, and peevishly flicking their tails at insolent flies.

It was a glorious mid-September's day, but the best of it all was the fact that there was no school to be borne, no lessons to be learnt, and no stuffy schoolhouse to be stuck in. Today could not be bettered.

Actually, maybe it could. Louise wanted to stay by Lake Tahoe all day, but they had to be back in time to get changed and ready for company that night.

Alice Corby was coming to tea, and her father with her. Her father rarely came, although he was always invited. He was a friendly man, but rather hermitic in his way of living – choosing his pen and paper as his closest and dearest friends, next to his daughter. His wife's death had driven him away from his old life in New England, and he had quickly settled into writing a newspaper for the town of Virginia City. James Corby spent his afternoons writing articles, and his evenings setting the press, and his early mornings printing. The ink would always dry in time for opening hours when people from in and out of town would stop by to purchase and read the latest news. Even Alice wrote a daily article for women on some fashion statement or some latest gossip that she had been assured by someone who had been assured by someone else who had been assured by some other party that it was fact. And thus the Virginia City Journal grasped the attention of men and women alike, and made its way into the lives and homes of many of the surrounding folk.

The time passed all too quickly for Louise and Joe, and before they knew it, it was time to mount up and head for home, allowing the hot sun to dry them as they went. They performed their usual race to the Ponderosa Pine, and then allowed their horses to walk from there to the yard.

They had enough time to wash and change into some smarter clothes and help Hop Sing to get the table set before Alice arrived.

Ben seemed very pleased to see her when she arrived, and Louise couldn't help but wonder why he was smiling so broadly. He kept wiping his forehead with a handkerchief, the very action making Louise feel strangely uncomfortable. Alice kept looking at Ben and then blushingly turning away each time their eyes met. It made Louise feel very uncomfortable – and confused.

And why was Mr. Corby here? He was always too busy sorting out his newspaper – so why did he come tonight?

Truth be told, Louise had noticed the fact that Ben had been acting differently ever since the time that he had rode out into town with a bouquet of wild flowers just to ask Alice over to tea.

What was the reason behind all of this mysteriousness? Was it all mysterious, or was she just being blind?

The seven of them sat down to a delicious meal prepared by Hop Sing. Supper seemed a quiet affair, though people did talk. But Adam was quiet and watchful, and Louise was silent, and Alice only blushed through the whole meal, making Louise just want to retch.

Finally, after the meal, Ben asked Adam to get out his guitar and play some songs for them. Louise sighed with relief at this opportunity to lighten her mood, and soon they were all singing. They all made one choice, which everyone then sang together. Louise chose her favourite, 'Beautiful Dreamer', which she was able to accompany with her harmonica. Joe, Hoss, Adam, and Mr. Corby all chose lively songs that brought smiles to everyone's faces, and Alice requested 'Oh Shenandoah', as she said it was so beautiful it always made her want to cry.

Ben's request came last. He turned warm eyes on Alice and said, "Adam, play 'Sweetly She Sleeps My Alice Fair'."

Louise's smiled vanished as she saw the look in Ben's eyes. It was a look she had never seen before. She did not notice when Adam started playing the song. She didn't join in. All she did was watch Ben and Alice as they sang, sitting and staring at each other.

"_Sweetly she sleeps, my Alice fair,_

_Her cheek on the pillow pressed,_

_Sweetly she sleeps, while her Saxon hair,_

_Like sunlight, streams o'er her breast."_

The song finished, and in the blur of bewilderment, Louise saw Ben stand up and gently help Alice up from her seat.

"We have an announcement to make," Ben said.

Above Ben's voice, Louise's heart hammered in her chest.

"We, Alice and I, have something to tell you all. Well, James already knows. We wouldn't be here telling you all without his consent."

Alice clasped Ben's hands and looked at his face as he continued to address his family.

"I have asked Alice to be my wife, and she has accepted. We're to be married!"

A sudden knife thrust into Louise could not have pained her as much as those words did. A dizzying tremble thundered round her head, but she shook it away.

Forcing herself to her feet she spoke above all the voices of stunned congratulation and surprise, "What do you mean?"

Ben turned to look at his daughter and smiled, "Louise. You're going to have a mother!" He reached out to stroke her arm, but she jerked it away.

"No!" she cried. "You're wrong! She will _never_ be my mother!"

And then she turned and ran out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

Ben's shock soon turned to anger. "I'm sorry, Alice, I didn't expect that. She knows better … I …"

"Ben, you don't need to explain to me. She's shocked, she needs to get used to the idea, but once she does, she will be fine."

Adam stepped up to Ben. "Why didn't you warn her? Why didn't you give any inkling towards this? Why did you spring it upon her? Can you blame her for running off?"

"Adam?" Ben asked incredulously.

Adam's eyes sparked with fire. "I knew that things were heading this way – but I thought you would have spoken to us before you made the final announcement." He shook his head slowly as if he couldn't comprehend what had happened, "I'm very pleased for you both – and I wish you every happiness! But right now I can't help but feel sorry for Louise."

Before Ben could reply the sound of a horse's hooves galloping out of the yard met their ears.

Ben started forward.

"Pa – right now, I think she wants to be alone. Let me find her, but you stay here with Alice. Don't let this spoil yours and Alice's evening. Alice needs you, and I want to speak to Louise before she sees anyone else!"

Ben frowned.

"Please, Pa! I'll know where to find her."

Ben nodded his head reluctantly, "Alright, Adam. Go and get her and bring her back. If I handled the situation wrongly …"

"Pa, don't blame yourself! Please! And Pa, Alice – I'm pleased for you both." Adam smiled warmly at Ben to show him that he was with him all the way. Then he walked out to the barn, tacked up Sport, and rode away.

* * *

She was just where he had expected to find her. Knelt in front of Marie's grave, old tears still glistening on her cheeks.

Adam dismounted and tied Sport up loosely on a shrub.

"Louise," he said, breaking the peaceful stillness of the night.

Louise looked up quickly before throwing her eyes down to her clasped hands. "Why don't you leave me alone?"

"Louise, I know it's hard, but Pa loves her and …"

Louise's head snapped up to look at Adam, and fresh tears spilled from her eyes. "But what about Ma?"

"Pa loves Marie still, little sister, and that will never change!"

"He can't love two women at once, Adam. And what about your mother? And Hoss'? What about his love for them?

Adam paused, not sure how to answer Louise's questions.

"You see," Louise said, excited by his hesitation. "You know that it's true! He can't love four women at the same time. Well, just you wait and see. I won't accept her. She can't just butt into our lives! I won't let her! I think she's mean for even trying!"

"Louise!" Adam said warningly.

"Well, I do!" Louise said. "She'll change everything, and I hate her for it! She'll come into our home, ruin my family and destroy my life!"

"Louise, it's not going to be like that," Adam tried.

"Isn't it? I think it is! She doesn't belong in this family, Adam, and I'm going to make sure she understands that!"

"You do anything to offend or spite her, and you know very well that you'll end up across Pa's knee. If you push things, then you might even make your way across mine!"

"Are you threatening me, Adam?"

"I'm warning you. Look, Louise – I came out here because I understood how you felt. Not because I feel that way, but because I once did. I never knew my mother, so Inger was the first mother I ever knew. When I was sick, she gave me food and medicine to make me better. She married Pa and then gave me a baby brother, which was what I wanted more than anything. Then she was killed. Some years later, Pa decided to marry again. He fell in love with Marie – but I hated her. Not because she wasn't lovely – because she was. But I hated her because she was taking Inger's place, and I would not stand for that. So I pulled against it as much as I could, kicking and screaming, you might say. I was blatantly rude to her and Pa, and my backside suffered for it, I can tell you. But once I stopped resisting her, I realized that I hadn't questioned the fact that Pa had married Inger after my mother had died, so why should I question his love for Inger now that he had married Marie. I also realized that, although it is a different type of love, I never thought that Pa could only love me or Hoss, and not both of us. Love is a wonderful thing if you have a heart full of it – enough to share with lots of people."

Louise shook her head, "I don't understand."

"Neither did I – and I'm not sure if I always understand fully even now. But maybe one day, when you get married, you'll see how it feels to love someone in that way."

"I don't want to get married, Adam, not ever!"

"Why?"

Louise's eyes clouded with fear and pain. "I don't know."

Adam sat down next to Louise and pulled her close against his chest. "You say that now, but when the time is right, you may fall in love. But that's irrelevant to now. Pa is in love with Alice, and you must respect his feelings and choices for his life."

"No! No, I don't _have _to do anything. I won't!"

"Louise!"

"No, Adam! And not you – not anybody – can make me!"

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose, "Louise, I want to comfort you, tell you that everything's alright, that everything will be normal, that nothing will change. But I can't promise that. Things will change – but they will be for the better, not for worse. You will have someone to talk to about things that women need to talk about. You will be able to know a mother's love – something that Hoss, Joe and I have all known. Something that you knew for a few weeks of your life, but that you can't remember."

"Yes, she'll be there to 'mother' me. To make me sew and knit and crochet, and dress like her and talk like her and act like her. I bet she'll correct my speech, and the way I sit at the table, how I hold my cups, and how I ride, and how I do everything. She'll drive me crazy!"

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do!"

"Louise, please listen to me."

"I've already heard you out, Adam. You may be smart, you may be able to read minds, you may have been to college. But you don't have a degree in having all of the answers, and I don't care what you say or think, but you can't change how I feel."

"I appreciate that …"

"Do you? Do you really? Then leave me alone!"

"Pa wants you back at the house. You offended him and Alice, and …"

"Oh, I offended them? It doesn't matter how I feel then. Oh, sure, hurt Louise's feelings, but not Pa's and Miss Alice's."

"Louise, just calm down."

"How am I supposed to calm down when I've just found out that my Pa's going to remarry? It's turning my world upside-down!"

"Things will be different for a while, that's true."

"For a while? Forever, you mean! Forever, and ever and ever!"

A sob stopped her from saying anything else.

"Come on," Adam said, standing up and pulling her to her feet. "Let's go home."

"You go on. Go without me. I want to stay with Ma tonight."

"Louise …"

"Go, Adam!" Louise cried forcefully.

"No!" Adam rejoined as stubbornly as her. "I told Pa I'd take you home. Now you can either ride by my side, or I can sit you in front of me on Sport and make you go home with me. Now which way is it going to be?"

Louise scowled at Adam, "I hate you."

Adam's heart twisted at those words. "Louise, you don't mean that!"

Louise burst into tears and threw her arms around Adam.

"Why, Adam? Why does everything have to change? Why?"

Adam fondled her hair lovingly. "I don't know, Little Lou. Like you said, I don't have all the answers." He squatted in front of Louise and wiped her eyes dry. "Louise, I love you."

Louise sniffed, "I love you, too. I don't hate you, Adam. I was just all mixed up, that's all."

"I understand. I remember saying words like that to Pa when I was in your situation – and I didn't mean it. Sometimes we say things – strong, hateful words – that we don't mean."

"And I didn't mean it. Honest!"

"I know – now, come on."

Adam held Salt still for Louise as she mounted, and then mounted Sport.

"Adam," Louise said before they kicked their mounts forwards. "She may marry Pa – but that doesn't make her my mother. Pa may be happy to forget Ma, but I'm not. There's no way I'll call Miss Alice 'ma' or 'mother'. I just won't!"

And she kicked Salt on, and cantered towards the house.

* * *

**Ta dah! What do you think? Please let me know all of your thoughts - I love to hear from you all. What do you think is going to happen next? I will update as soon as possible. Please do leave me a review! Thanks for reading! :-)**


	3. The Fight

**Sorry for the long, long wait. I'm awful, I know, but I haven't had any time to write! I've been finishing work late most days and then the minute I'm home and out of the shower, mum insists that I do my piano practice. But good news! My Grade 7 piano exam is in November, so I haven't got that long now to practice my grade stuff, and then I'm done with grades. I love piano, but I hate grades, and it's going to be nigh on impossible to find time to practice for Grade 8 so I'm not doing it.**

**To Islaboe: No, I don't mind you conversing via my stories. You could always post on the same story if you post as an anonymus writer, but write your member name in the name box. It's just an idea. I love to hear from you. I was beginning to worry that my story wasn't any good when I got your review, and it spurred me on, so thank you.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 3 – The Fight**

Louise tore Salt's tack off, feeling a little guilty that she was venting her anger, frustration and hurt out on him. She put the tack away, and then hesitated before she headed for the house.

Adam put a comforting hand on her shoulder, and squeezed it gently. He was right by her side as they left the barn and made their way into the house.

Hoss and Joe were quietly playing checkers together, and Ben was ponderously smoking his pipe by the fire.

He looked up as Adam and Louise entered.

Louise paused on the threshold of the door, but Adam nudged her forwards. Taking a deep breath, she approached Ben.

"Well?" he said, holding his pipe a few inches from his face as he studied the dark look in his daughter's eyes.

"I needed to visit Ma."

"And is that a good explanation for yelling at me, being rude to Alice, and running off like that."

"It's good enough for me," Louise said with a shrug of her shoulders.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished she had considered her answer before speaking.

Ben rose from his seat, eyes dark and thunderous. Louise always thought his eyes looked like a thunder storm when he was angry – dark and spurting flashes of lightning now and then.

"What did you say?"

"I … I'm sorry, Pa! I didn't mean that."

"Well, what did you mean then?" Ben shouted.

Louise flinched, "I … I just can't understand, Pa. How can you do this? How can you marry that woman? And how you," she said, turning on her two brothers, "can just sit there, calmly playing checkers, I don't know!"

"Louise," Ben said firmly but gently, "if I wish to marry, then that is my decision. I'm sorry I broke the news to you so abruptly. But I thought you suspected what I was going to say. Don't you like Alice? Give me one reason why you don't like her."

"Only one? It'll take me a while to decide which one to name!" Louise said insolently.

"Sass me like that again, and I'll wash your mouth out with soap and water," Ben said.

"It doesn't matter about whether I like her or not," Louise declared. "How can you marry her? Don't you love Ma anymore?"

"Of course I love your mother, just like I love Hoss' mother, and Adam's. But there comes a time when one moves on to other things in life. I love Alice, and so I have asked her to be my wife!"

"I still don't understand."

"Stop listening to your stubbornness and hear Pa out then," Adam said.

Louise glared at Adam for taking Ben's side.

"Louise, if I hadn't remarried after Elizabeth had died, then I never would have had Hoss. If I had never remarried after Inger died, then I never would have had you and Joe."

"Are you going to have children, then?" Louise asked in horror.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Adam turn away and look out of the window. What was so interesting outside when it was so dark you couldn't see a thing?

"Well, Louise," Ben said, trying not to let embarrassment get in the way of honesty. "I don't know. We may have children. I guess that depends on whether the Lord blesses us with any. Who knows, you may have a sister one day."

"I don't want a sister! I don't want another brother! I don't want a step-mother! I want my mother, or no mother!"

"Louise, you can't have your mother. But you can make room in your heart for Alice. She will be a good mother to you."

"No! And I won't call her mother! That's too much to ask!"

"It would make me very happy," Ben said, trying to be patient, "if you called Alice 'ma' or 'mother'."

"I can't!" Louise said firmly. "I will never consider Miss Alice as anything other than an outsider who has butted into our family."

"If you are in the slightest bit rude to her – by my standards and not yours – you will find yourself in the deepest kind of trouble."

"I can't help how I feel!"

"You can – and you will certainly control how you act!" Ben said.

"Pa – I'm sorry, but I need to think things through. I tried, but Adam came and interfered," Louise said, glaring at her eldest brother. "So now I need to go to my room and think. I'm sorry, but I can't go on talking about it till I've thought about it."

"I understand it's been a shock, so that sounds fair to me – and maybe it will give you time to think about your attitude."

Louise tried to swallow her anger as she forced herself to speak. "Goodnight Pa. Goodnight Adam; Hoss; Joe."

Then she turned and fled to her room.

Adam put a hand on Ben's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. "Don't worry, Pa. She'll see sense in the morning." But his words were not convincing enough even for himself.

"I hope so, Adam. I certainly hope so," Ben replied with a sigh. "Otherwise life's going to be unbearable around here." He shook his head, "It's you all over again."

Adam raised his eyebrows, but they relaxed as he saw the teasing look in Ben's eyes. "I guess it is. But I finally came round, remember. My guess is Little Lou is not quite as stubborn as I was."

Ben nodded his head hopefully, but both men knew in their hearts that Louise was not going to give in easily.

* * *

The next day, Louise's opinion had not wavered, and neither had it the day after that. It was now Monday, the beginning of the week. At church the day before, everyone had spent their time after the service congratulating Ben and saying to the children how 'delighted they must be'. Joe didn't say much, but Louise blatantly refused to talk on the subject.

Adam and Hoss seemed to accept Ben's decision. Hoss liked Miss Alice a lot, and actually seemed rather happy about the announcement. Joe didn't say much – he seemed a little mixed up himself, though he didn't admit it to anyone. Louise said even less than Joe, unless forced upon the subject, and then she had far too much to say for her own good.

The announcement having made its way around Virginia City by means of town gossips and The Virginia City Journal, it was not surprising that all of Louise's classmates had heard of the news and were excitedly chattering about it when she arrived at school with Joe on their horses that Monday morning.

Louise soon silenced their talk.

"Excited about it? Excited?"

"Well, you're gonna have a Ma!" Marty cried.

"You say that again, Marty Lawson, and I'll slap your face!" Louise declared. "She ain't gonna be my Ma. My Ma is dead – and no one can replace her!"

Marty pursed and lips, and for once, fell silent.

"But aren't you the slightest bit happy?" Ellie-Ann asked.

"No, I'm not. I'm … I'm miserable!"

Ellie-Ann and Marty were mortified to hear that their dear friend was so sad, and so set about trying to comfort her for the rest of the day. They sacrificed the best of their food from their lunch pails for their sorrowing friend, and tried to keep her mind off the subject that saddened her so. But nothing worked.

In fact, things only got worse.

At recess, Jason Brent wandered over to the three girls, a sneer on his face.

"Hey, Cartwright," he said, pulling a pitying face. "I'm sorry to hear about your Pa. Marrying again, is he?

"Yes," Louise said slowly, surprised to get sympathy from the school bully. What was he up to?

"It's too bad. I understand how you feel. You must be so ashamed."

"Ashamed?" Louise repeated.

"Of course! Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? Your Pa just keeps getting tired of his wives. Why, I wouldn't be surprised if your Pa killed his wives off. Nothing easier than to plan a horse riding accident to clear the path for another wife!"

"That's not true!" Louise jumped up from where she sat on a hollow log.

"No? Seems mighty suspicious to me. How many has it been? What – three dead? I wonder how long Alice Corby will last."

Louise's eyes smarted at Jason's words, and her heart twisted with pain. What he said wasn't true! It couldn't be true! It mustn't be true. She must prove him wrong!

But how could she stand up to the school bully? Before Louise even considered her options, or thought things through, she felt herself run at Jason, and winding him, knock him to the floor.

She had managed to roll him over and was on top of his back before she knew it, rubbing his face in the dirt.

"Take it back, Jason Brent, or eat dirt!" she hissed.

Jason's answer was to roll her off his back and grab hold of her. He swung out at her, but she ducked, and they both toppled to the floor, rolling around, hitting and kicking each other. All the children had encircled the brawlers and were chanting, "Fight! Fight!" as if to alert Miss Munroe of the excitement in the school yard.

It certainly worked, for Miss Munroe was by the children's sides in an instant. She grabbed hold of both children, and hoisted them to their feet.

"What is the meaning of this?" she cried, the horror painted visibly on her face. "Two students of mine – fighting? And a female student, too? What are your explanations, Louise and Jason?"

"She … she attacked me!" Jason said. "Flew at me for no reason!" and he wiped away a smear of blood from his nose.

"Well you shouldn't have said such dirty things about my Pa!"

"They were the truth, and you know it!" Jason retorted.

"Enough!" Miss Munroe's severe tone silenced her rowdy students. "There will be no more fighting – or arguing for that matter. Jason, am I to understand that you were taunting Louise?"

"No, Ma'am. Just sympathizing with her 'cause she ain't too happy about her Pa getting married. Suddenly she got all riled up about me speaking the truth, and she just swung out at me!"

"Louise, is this true?" Miss Munroe asked.

Louise saw Little Joe push himself to the front of their classmates, and saw the look of dismay on his face. Louise looked steadily back at her teacher and replied boldly, "Yes, I did start the fight – but Jason wasn't being kind. He … he said some awful things."

"What did he say?"

Louise hesitated. Were they lies? Of course they were. Jason was just the school bully, trying to upset her further. But why, then, did she feel confused? Why did she feel like the words he had spoken had a hint of truth to them?

Why?

"I … I don't wish to tell you Ma'am."

Miss Munroe took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I see. Jason and Louise, I will be giving you both notes to take home to your parents, and I expect to receive them back signed tomorrow. If you do not curb your tempers, I shall have no choice but to take further actions in punishing you. Am I understood?"

"Yes Ma'am," Louise and Jason chorused.

"Very well. Now, recess is over. Class, follow me."

Miss Munroe led the way into the classroom. The students were whispering excitedly about the fight and whether Jason would try and seek revenge. Would Louise even go further and get her own back on the school bully? Or would the twosome leave things as they stood? Everyone was looking forward to the upcoming week.

Miss Munroe picked up a piece of chalk and drew a line down the middle of the blackboard. Giving a piece of chalk to both children, she instructed them to write lines, each on either side of the board.

Louise felt her eyes beginning to fill with tears at the complete humiliation of standing side by side with the school bully and doing lines with him. She almost requested to sit at her desk and do it in her copybook – but something told her that that would only dig herself in deeper trouble. And things were about as bad as they could be at the moment.

* * *

Louise didn't care. The minute school was over, she ran out of the building, and out into the fresh September air.

"Louise! Hey, Louise! Wait up!"

Louise forced herself to a stop as she waited for her brother to catch up.

"Louise – what on earth do you think you were doing?" Joe asked, the minute he was by her side.

"You're one to talk!" Louise shot back. "As I recall, you ended up getting a licking last year for standing up to Jason."

"Yes, and that's exactly what you're going to get. Why did you even try to fight him? He's older than you, and he could have hurt you a whole lot more than he did."

Joe touched Louise's cheek softly, and noticed her wince.

"So I've got a bruise or two! Who cares?"

"Pa will!"

"Leave me alone," Louise said, turning away swiftly.

"Lou – it could have been worse. Much worse! And Pa won't hear any excuses. You know that."

Louise turned on Joe hotly. "You're right. I already know that! So quit telling me what I already know!"

"Fine!" Joe rejoined. "I was only trying to help."

"Some help – telling me what I already know, and then telling me that I know it!"

"I was trying to give you some brotherly advice," Joe said angrily. "Too bad you're just too stuck up to hear anything!"

"That's not true, Joe, and you know it!"

"Yes it is!"

"Liar!" Louise snarled.

"I am not!"

"Take back what you said!" Louise said, threatening her brother with her fist.

"Oh, wouldn't Pa be pleased to know you're threatening me. I can't wait to tell him when we get home. Two fights in one day. I'd say your fate was sealed."

Louise's eyes grew wide. "No, Joe. I … I didn't mean it!"

"Yeah, right!"

"No, honest. I've never hit you before. Sure we've argued – but we've never fought!"

"Well, I hope Pa does tan you good!"

Louise's anger boiled at Joe's words. "And I hope you eat your words!"

Then she stormed off to get Salt from where he was stabled, with Joe not far behind her.

* * *

**Out of the fire and into the pan. Things are only just starting for poor Louise. In a couple of chapters, things will take an interesting swing. Hope your enjoying it. Please, please review. I know Louise has some nerve with some of the things she says, but she isn't always so outspoken. She's just really upset, hurt and confused, and she doesn't think clearly (or act clearly, as we will see later) when she has a mixture of all those emotions. Thanks for reading, and please make me smile and leave me a review!**


	4. The Last Straw

**Okay, here's the next one. Sorry, I know it took me a week, but at least that wasn't as long a wait as last time. I haven't quite finished the story yet, but there's only another three or four chapters for me to write, so shouldn't take me too long now. **

* * *

**Chapter 4 – The Last Straw**

Adam wandered out of the house. It was about time Louise and Joe got back. Ben had ridden into town to pick up Alice, who was coming for tea. Adam knew that if Louise and Joe dawdled and ended up arriving after Alice, Ben wouldn't be best pleased.

As he was about to go back into the house, he heard the sound of galloping hooves. With a frown, he turned towards the sound.

Louise was galloping towards the yard. Her face was red from the exercise, and perhaps from something else. She seemed upset. But Adam didn't care about that at that moment. Something about the determination on her face and the way that Salt was tearing towards him sent him back to all those years before.

He had been stood where he was now. Joe had been by his side. They had been having a heated discussion when they had heard Marie's voice, and that had ended everything as they had watched her sail into the yard. Flying, as she had often called it. Flying, then falling, and then ever so still.

Adam's heart skipped a beat as the memory came back in a flash.

"Louise, slow down!" he commanded.

Louise ignored Adam and tossed her head defiantly – just as Marie had done.

Just like Marie.

"Louise! No!"

Adam dashed forward and grabbed hold of Salt's bridle just as the pony slowed to a canter. He pulled with all of his might and Salt came to a halt.

Adam was breathing hard as he realized that the memory had not been relived. Salt had not fallen. Louise was fine.

He turned around to see Louise dismount. Suddenly, Adam felt a torrent of fire blaze from inside of him.

"What do you think you were doing?" he cried.

"I was riding last time I checked!" Louise sassed.

Adam's eyes narrowed and grew very dark. He didn't notice Joe trot into the yard on his horse, and quietly dismount and slink away into the barn with Cochise. He just stared at Louise for a moment as he took in what she had said. And then Adam then did something that he hadn't done in a long time. He grabbed Louise's arm and turning her around, swatted her backside three times.

"You ever ride into the yard like that again, and you'll get more. You sass me like that again, you'll get the same. Now go to your room and change ready for company."

Louise was struggling not to cry at her sudden and unexpected chastisement. Instead, she let her anger take over. "What company?" she growled.

"Alice is coming for tea tonight."

"Why does she always have to come and spoil everything?"

"Louise!" Adam said warningly.

"I don't care, Adam! I just don't care! I can't help it. She isn't part of this family – and she never will be."

She turned to go and then remembered the note. She took it out of her pocket and offered it to him. "Here. You might as well take it."

"What is it?"

"Read it," Louise said, shoving it into his hand and running into the house.

Adam opened the note and read it.

"She's not been herself since Pa announced the engagement," Little Joe's voice sounded behind Adam.

Adam turned around to look at his youngest brother. "Fighting?"

"That's right."

Adam shook his head and glanced up at Louise's bedroom window. "That girl has got herself in some trouble lately."

"She's not herself!" Little Joe insisted.

"Now come on, Joe," Adam said. "You and I both know that our little sister has a temper. She's been herself, alright."

"No, she hasn't. Louise can control her temper most of the time – but recently, she hasn't been able to even think properly."

"That's her own fault," Adam reasoned. "She's far too stubborn! I tried to help her deal with the news, but she wouldn't listen."

"Yes, she is stubborn. But don't tell me you're thrilled with the idea of Pa remarrying."

Adam paused, "No, Joe. I can't say that I am. What about you? You haven't said much."

Joe shrugged his shoulders. "Truth be told, I feel the same as Lou. I can't understand fully. Then again, if that's what Pa wants, then what can we say about it? Louise is going to be pulling against it the whole way. I just hope for her sake that she gives in once they're married, otherwise she's going to be in trouble all the time."

Adam looked at Joe with respect in his eyes. "You know what Little Joe?"

"What's that older brother?" Joe asked.

"Do you realize how mature you sounded just then?"

"I did?" Joe asked.

"Yes. Must come from listening to me all the time!" Adam teased.

"Nah," Joe said with a wicked grin. "Couldn't be! I never listen to you!"

And he dodged a playful cuff that Adam aimed at him, and went into the house.

Hoss was coming down the stairs as he entered.

"What's the matter with Louise? She came in trying not to cry, and won't let me in her room."

"She got in a fight at school, then we had an argument before we came home. I should have known she wouldn't cool off before she got home. She galloped into the yard and Adam spanked her."

"Phew! How she manage to get in so much trouble all in one day? Pa will tan her for sure."

"That's what I said and she nearly started hitting me! I guess that's because she didn't want to face the facts."

Hoss shrugged his shoulders, "I guess it wouldn't help if I talked to her?"

"No. It's not worth getting your head bitten off for."

Hoss grinned, "She's as bad as that?"

"And worse, big brother! And worse!"

* * *

In her room, Louise had changed into a clean dress. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid. Her mother had died riding into the yard like that. She knew not to! Adam had had every right to punish her – and she wished with all of her might that she had listened to him when he had told her to slow down.

Why had she ignored him?

Why was she so angry at the moment?

It felt like she was at war with everyone!

She wiped a tear from her face and sat down on her bed wearily.

Her backside was stinging. Adam sure could swat hard! Louise sighed as she realized that she was in for more once Ben got home. Would he deal with her as soon as he got in, or would he wait until Miss Alice had gone? She hoped the latter, as she didn't want Miss Alice to hear her punishment – but she was afraid that Ben would want to deal with her straightaway.

Louise wished with all of her heart that she could change life right now. She would happily trade with anyone. Here she was, awaiting her doom, about to have a new mother, and she wanted to escape all of it. Was there any way that she could?

The sounded of horses' hooves made her stand up and wander over to her window. Pinning back the curtain and peering out, Louise saw Ben dismount from Buck, and then help Alice off her horse. She was riding side-saddle, of course, which made Louise roll her eyes. She saw Adam come out of the house, greet Alice, and then draw Ben aside and say a few words to him. Ben glanced up at her window with a deep frown on his face, and Louise ducked quickly.

"_He looked mad!"_ Louise thought ruefully, her heart beginning to thump in her chest. _"Really mad!"_

She wandered back to her bed, and slumped down onto it.

Should she go downstairs, or should she wait for Ben to come up to her?

As if to answer her questions, Louise heard a heavy step on the stairs. There was no doubt that it was her father, and Louise began to wish that he was still in Virginia City, completely oblivious to her day's goings on. But he knew, and Louise knew in her heart that she had been wrong, and now she was going to suffer the consequences.

The door opened before Louise was ready, and Ben stood in the doorway. He looked angry, but beyond that was a look of hurt. Louise hadn't been expecting that at all and instantly she began to cry.

Ben walked in and closed the door. He didn't say anything. Just sat next to her on the bed and waited. He didn't even look at her. He just stared at the wall, and was silent.

When Louise had dried her eyes, she looked up. "Pa?"

Ben turned to look at her. "Adam told me everything. I don't know what to say. You've taken me by surprise today – something that you haven't done before. I knew you had a temper, but I never thought it would lead to this!"

Louise looked away with shame in her eyes, and said through gritted teeth, "I couldn't take it."

"You couldn't take what?" Ben asked.

"What Jason said," Louise replied. Her eyes grew wide as she remembered and realized that there was no way that she could tell Ben what the school bully had said to her. She edged away from Ben ever so slightly, not quite sure why as she did so.

"What did Jason say?" Ben asked, trying not to notice the added space that Louise had put between them.

"It doesn't matter."

"Well, I think it must have mattered if it provoked you to fighting. Your teacher did say in the note that you refused to tell her about it. What did he say?"

Louise shook her head decidedly, "No. I don't want to talk about it, Pa. It was nothing."

"It couldn't have been nothing," Ben said, trying to remain patient with her. "You yourself said just now that you couldn't take what he said."

"Well, it doesn't matter now," Louise said with a shrug of her shoulders.

Ben sighed at his daughter's stubbornness. "If you are refusing to tell me what Jason said, then I will proceed to talk to you about your fighting and stubbornness."

"I know I was wrong, and shouldn't have got into the fight in the first place; and I know I'm stubborn. But Pa, please don't lecture me too much. I can't take it right now. Couldn't you at least wait until Miss Alice has gone?"

"I'm not going to punish you until after Alice has left, but I want you to realize that you are in more trouble than you have ever been in, young lady. You are a girl, and a girl should not get into fights – especially not with a boy that is so much older than her. He could have hurt you a whole lot more than he did. Louise," and he paused as he looked at the bruise on her cheek and the pain in her eyes, "you know what to expect for your behaviour. I'm glad to hear that you know that you were wrong. Now don't ever disappoint me like this again."

Louise drew a shaky breath. "I won't," she promised.

"Alright. Now wash your face and come downstairs. Alice is waiting. As soon as she leaves I want you to go to your room and change ready for bed."

Louise nodded her head. "Pa, could I stay up here tonight? I don't want to see anyone."

"No. You have successfully ruined both your evening and mine. Don't ruin Alice's. She wants to talk to everyone about the wedding."

Louise felt a pang of pain in her heart at mention of the wedding, but she managed to keep her temper as she replied, "Yes, sir."

Ben left Louise to clean up. She washed her face and ran a brush through her hair, trying not to be too slow and incur more of her father's wrath upon her. It wasn't long before she was ready, so she quickly left her room and went down the stairs.

There was no hiding the bruise on her cheek, and Louise was sure that someone had told Miss Alice the story of her day, but Alice said not a word.

"Louise," she said, smiling at her. "Come and sit by me." She patted the settee and smiled sweetly again. Louise hated that smile, but she forced herself to smile back, and quietly complied with the lady's bidding. "We have been discussing the wedding, but there was one part that I could not discuss with Ben without your presence."

Louise felt her curiosity aroused, but inwardly told herself that she was not at all interested.

"I need a flower girl, Louise, and you are just the one for it. I would not have anyone else. And you can have a say in the dress that you wear."

Louise felt confused, for some reason, at the woman's kindness. Miss Alice had always been good to her, so why should she question it now? Louise struggled to find her words as she recovered from her confusion. "Thank you, Miss Alice. That is very kind."

"Perfect, Louise. You will be the prettiest flower girl that any bride has had."

The compliments were being showered on her, and they stung Louise madly. She would far rather this woman called her names, scolded her for having got in a fight, and thought she was an unattractive child. But here she was, _praising _her. It was too much for Louise, and she turned her head away as a tear escaped.

"Louise, why don't you help Hop Sing in the kitchen?" Adam said, noticing her inward struggles.

Louise cast a grateful look at her older brother, and escaped to the kitchen to cry there until the meal was ready.

The evening dragged for Louise, and when Miss Alice finally went, she fled to her room with a mixture of relief and dread in her heart.

* * *

Louise didn't hear Adam enter her room. She was too busy crying. Lying on her stomach, with her face in her pillow to muffle her cries, she was a pitiful sight. Adam walked over to her, and squatting by the side of her bed, stroked her back gently. She turned over instantly.

"Adam?"

"I just thought I'd let you know I didn't tell Pa."

"About what? Seems to me you told him plenty," Louise said remorsefully.

"About your reckless ride. I dealt with it – and I thought I'd let you know in case you let the cat out of the bag."

Louise managed a smile. "Thanks, Adam."

"There's something else," Adam said.

"What's that?" Louise asked.

"There's someone who wants to see you. Someone who thinks you won't want to see him."

"Oh – Joe," Louise said miserably.

"Yes – Joe! He loves you, and wants to tell you that. Can I let him in?"

"No!" Louise said decidedly. She had forgiven him for the argument, but she didn't want him to know that yet. She wanted him to suffer. Did that mean she hadn't forgiven him? Louise shook her head tiredly. She didn't know what she felt half the time.

"Please, Louise," Joe's voice sounded from outside her room. He peeked through the doorway, and Louise could see the guilt on his face. "Please!"

Adam stood up. "I'll leave you two to it," he said, leaving the room and pushing Joe in before shutting the door behind him.

Louise turned around, giving Joe her back.

"I … I can't blame you for being mad at me. I shouldn't have said that I hoped Pa would tan you. I know how bad they can be, and … Louise, I didn't mean it."

Louise didn't say anything, so Joe went on. "Please talk to me, Louise. I couldn't bear it if you didn't talk to me again. I love you! You are the best sister a boy could want. You're fun and smart and … and I couldn't want a different sister. I didn't want you to get punished. Honest. I was just mad, and I do things and say things that I don't mean when I'm mad. We all do."

Louise still didn't say anything.

"Well, you can't say I haven't tried, Louise. I'm sorry if it takes you a long time to forgive me. I guess I can understand. And I'm willing to do anything for you to make up for it." He paused to see if she would respond to that offer, maybe get him to do a week's worth of her chores, but she didn't. "Well, goodnight, Louise. I love you."

He said the last sentence almost as a question, but there was no answer.

He left the room sadly. Adam was listening outside the door.

"I'm sorry, Joe."

Joe shrugged his shoulders, "I can't blame her. Maybe she'll talk to me tomorrow."

Inside her room, Louise heard her brothers speaking in hushed tones behind the door.

Tomorrow!

No, she wouldn't be speaking to Joe tomorrow. There was one way that Louise could escape from this nightmare that had entered her world and turned it upside down.

One way!

Louise hurried from her bed and changed into a pair of pants and a shirt. Then sitting at her dresser, she scrawled a note and then quietly left her room and put it under Joe's door. Then just as quietly, she tiptoed back to her room, and opening the window wide, she climbed out and made her way across the roof and then jumped down onto the yard.

Breathing great gulps of night air, Louise felt fresh and invigorated.

It was time that she ran away. She must start a new life – alone!

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. And things have only just begun. Just you wait until the next chapter, and things take a surprising swing. Anyway, that's enough of a clue to wet your appetites. Please, please, please review. I so want to hear from you all! Thanks for reading!**


	5. Witness in the Shadows

**Okay, here's a nice long one (and an exciting chapter too). This is a pivotal chapter to the story! **

**To gaben: Just to answer your question, gaben, Louise is nine in this story. **

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter. :-)**

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Witness in the Shadows**

Louise urged Salt on toward Virginia City. If she made her way through town, then she could follow the road out of there. It would lead to someplace at some time! And then she could start a new life.

But how could she? How could she earn money? She was only just nine – but surely someone would give her a job somewhere? Louise realized as she got further and further from the Ponderosa that her little runaway was not very well planned out at all. But she needed to escape everything. There was no turning back now. Setting her jaw to the difficulties that the future might hold, Louise decided that they could not be any worse than her present predicament, and so she carried on.

It didn't seem too long before she arrived in Virginia City. Priding herself in having made her way there by herself in the dark, Louise quietly walked Salt through the streets of the town. The saloon was a little noisy, and Louise tried not to jump as a man was thrown out of the swing doors before rushing back in again.

She rode past houses and stores and made it into the quieter end of town. As she neared James Corby's house and office, she noticed that a light was shining through the window. In the light, she could make out the silhouette of James Corby through the window. Louise turned Salt into the shadows so that they wouldn't be seen, and held her breath as the silhouette came towards the window. It opened, and Mr. Corby put his head out and looked around.

Louise hesitated. Surely he was just getting a breath of fresh air. He hadn't heard her, had he? If he saw her, then he would take her back home, and Ben would be so mad. Louise decided not to even think about what Ben would say and do if he saw her.

Did that mean she didn't want to ever see him again? Louise tried to ignore the sense of loss and loneliness that she was already feeling. She didn't need any of her family. They didn't need her. It was better this way!

The sound of horses galloping in her direction made Louise's heart jump. Was it her father and brothers coming looking for her? Surely they hadn't found the note so soon! Gunshots sounded, and Louise jumped. Salt began to become uneasy, and Louise felt his muscles tense through the saddle.

A group of three men rode past Louise, and hauling in their reins, paused a moment to fire more shots behind them before riding on again. Louise pulled Salt back into the shadows, and watched.

"The bank's been robbed! Stop those men!" Roy Coffee's voice sounded from somewhere down the street.

From out of nowhere James Corby ran into the street with a rifle in his hands and aimed at the men that were riding away. One of them turned around in his saddle, and aimed his six-shooter at Corby. Both his face and the gun shone in the lamplight from James' newspaper shop, and Louise gasped as she saw the man cock the hammer and pull the trigger.

James Corby slumped forwards.

The gunfire stopped.

The riders merged into the darkness of the night.

Everything went quiet.

From the shadows, men and women darted from sidewalks, houses and saloons, all surrounding the still form on the ground. But when Alice Corby ran from her house and pushed her way to the front of the crowd, the communed silence was rent with a wail.

Louise sat rooted to the spot on her horse. Nothing would convince her to move from her shadowy hideout.

The cry from Alice had awoken the crowd, and whispers of "Who would do such a thing?" and "Ol' James never did nothin' to hurt no one" filled the air.

Salt gave a piercing whinny, and Louise wished that she could shrink back into the shadows more. But a fence stopped her from doing just that, and it wasn't long till Deputy Clem Foster spotted her.

"Just what do you think you're doing out here, Louise Cartwright?" he asked, holding onto Salt's bridle so that she couldn't run away. His voice sounded terse, and Louise ducked in fright. "Are your brothers or pa here?"

"No, sir," Louise mumbled with a shake of her head.

Clem nodded his head as if that confirmed his suspicions. "A runaway – eh?"

"Yes, sir," Louise whispered, annoyed that she had been caught. "You're not gonna take me back, are you?"

"Well, the next time I see your pa and he asks me if I've seen you, and I say I have but I let you carry on your way, do you think that's gonna settle well with him?"

Louise shook her head.

"You're right there, little lady. Now Roy's got his hands full, and you sure picked a night to run off. Come on, and I'll take you home."

He led Salt over to where his horse was tied up, and then mounting and telling Sheriff Coffee where he was off to, he set off with Salt and Louise in tow.

Neither of them spoke as they rode. They both had plenty to think about. A bank robbery and a shooting all in one night! That was enough for any deputy sheriff to think about – and now he had a little runaway on his hands.

Louise's head was spinning. Guns still held a picture of terror in her eyes after the incident when she was four. She had been so young, but the memory was still so vivid. The dark night when she had been lost, and had seen Russ shoot his own father. She shivered as that memory verged with the shooting that had occurred that night. Was James Corby dead? He must have been. Louise felt the shock beginning to fall away as she told herself that she was safe, that it wasn't Russ all over again, that there was no need to fear guns. She was nine now – a big girl. She didn't need to be afraid of anything.

But there was something that she was afraid of. Something that she feared very much! And that was Ben's anger.

She knew that Ben was going to be mad at her. Running away was an offence that was worthy of more than a bad scolding, Louise was sure. She squirmed in her saddle, and realized that her behind was still sore from the talking-to she had received earlier about fighting. She sighed. Why hadn't she thought things through properly? Why had the bank been robbed tonight of all nights? Why had James Corby been shot dead tonight? It wasn't fair! It spoiled everything for her, and now she was in an even bigger mess than the one she had tried to escape from.

The ride to the Ponderosa was a long one for Clem Foster, but to Louise, it went far too quickly. She was ready to kick Salt and gallop away in the opposite direction at any given moment – but Clem had dealt with runaways before, and held tightly onto her reins so that she had no choice but to fold her arms across her chest and just sit there being led.

They pulled up outside the house soon, and Clem dismounted, and lifted Louise down from her pony.

He held her hand and walked her to the front door. He looked at her sad face for a moment, and then knocked.

Voices sounded inside. Hop Sing was talking angrily in Chinese, and Ben was telling him to go back to bed. It wasn't long till Ben, having hastily dressed, opened the front door.

Louise hid behind Clem and listened.

"Clem? What brings you out here in the middle of the night? Not an emergency I hope?" Ben's voice was tired, but not annoyed. He sounded almost concerned.

"Well, yes, there has been a bit of an emergency in town, Ben. Part of it is to do with you, too."

Ben's voice grew more serious, "It is?"

"I found something in town that belongs to you, I believe," and Clem pulled on Louise's arm and brought her forward.

Louise shrank under Ben's look. At first it was one of shock, but anger soon replaced his first reaction.

"Hi, Pa," Louise said timidly. She saw Adam come down the stairs and stand behind Ben. He didn't look much happier. Hoss and Joe hovered on the staircase, and Hop Sing poked his head around the corner to see what was going on.

"Where have you been?" Ben growled.

"Ben, there's something else. Before you start lecturing your daughter, I think you should know that the bank was robbed. The robbers got away, but James Corby was shot dead."

"James? Oh, poor Alice!" Ben said, the grief evident on his face as he grabbed his jacket. "I'll go back with you Clem. She'll be alone, and she needs someone close to comfort her. As things are, I'm the closest near-relation at hand. I must go to her."

"I thought you'd say that, Ben. You ready to go?"

Ben nodded his head briefly, and then turned to Adam. "I want you to talk to your sister. Louise," he said, turning now to his youngest. "This is by no means over. You and I will be having a serious discussion when I get back. I'm not sure when that will be. I will stay in town as long as Alice needs me. Adam, you're in charge."

He strode out of the house and quickly tacked Buck up, then he mounted up and rode away with Clem.

Louise watched them ride away and then turned to look at her eldest brother. Adam had his hands on his hips, and he was glaring. His eyes were darker than normal, and Louise's instincts were to run. But she didn't. She stood firm and glared back.

Hoss spied Salt outside and said, "I'll … uh … go put Salt away. Come on, Joe."

Joe looked at the note that he held in hands, but decided now wasn't the best time to show Adam. He quietly followed Hoss out of the house.

Finally, Adam spoke. "Well?"

"Well?" Louise repeated.

"Well, what were you doing in Virginia City in the middle of the night?"

"I fancied a ride," Louise said indifferently with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Oh, sure, and Pa always lets you up and go about riding off the Ponderosa by yourself in the middle of the night," Adam said with heated sarcasm.

Louise scowled.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Louise asked.

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why did you want to go for a ride into Virginia City in the middle of the night?"

"I wasn't going _into_ Virginia City. I was going through it. I wanted to ride as far away from this family as I possibly could!"

Adam's face clouded, "Why?" he asked. He spoke in a different tone this time. There was no anger to his voice now.

"Because I hate everyone! And you all hate me. You don't want me, and I don't want you. None of you!"

"Little Lou, why are you talking like this? We don't hate you, and we never could!"

"Yes, you do! And I hate you all!"

"Louise? Come on, Honey," and Adam took a step towards her.

"Leave me alone!" Louise said feistily. "I'll run away again, Adam. You'll see. You leave me alone!"

"Louise, how could you run away? Is this to do with getting in trouble after school today?"

"No," Louise said. Well, perhaps it had a little to do with it, but not much.

"How could you leave, Lou? We all love you very much. We could never cope with not seeing you again."

"Well, get used to the idea, 'cause I'm leaving for good."

Louise turned to go, determined that she was leaving, even if she had to go on foot. But Adam caught hold of her wrist before she got far. Louise twisted and pulled, but Adam held on tight.

"Listen to me, Louise, and listen good!" There was a hint of impatience in his voice now. "It was wrong to run away! How could you just leave us? Not a word of explanation!"

"I left a note!" Louise shot back. As soon as she said those words, she realized that she should have buttoned her lip.

"A note?" Adam said in that quiet tone of anger that came before an eruption. "A note? Louise Marie Cartwright, do you think a note is enough to explain to your Pa and brothers that love you dearly that you have gone away and don't care to see them again? After all Pa has ever done for you! After all any of us have ever done for you!"

"Let me go!" Louise said, pulling hard. "Let me go!"

"Only when you have a good enough explanation for leaving a family that loves and cares for you very dearly!"

"I've given you my explanation, now let me go!"

"No, you listen to me!"

"I've heard you out, and I don't want to listen anymore. You're not my Pa and you're not the boss of me. You can't tell me what to do, or make me do anything I don't want to do!"

"That's where you're wrong, little sister. I'll tell you what I can do. I can put you over my knee and paddle that backside of yours. How does that sound?"

"Just you try!" Louise challenged.

Adam took a step towards her and Louise panicked. She kicked out, pulled herself free, and ran for the door. But Hoss and Joe were coming back from the barn, and stood in the doorway, blocking her escape. Quickly changing her course, Louise tore up the stairs, ran into her room, and slammed the door shut behind her. Quickly bolting the door, Louise threw herself onto her bed and held her pillow close.

It wasn't long until footsteps sounded outside her room and the door handle turned. Louise heard an exclamation of annoyance, and then Adam's voice, "Louise, if you don't unbolt the door, then I will break it down – and you know very well what Pa will say when I tell him I had no choice but to break down the door."

Louise considered her chances. She was in for it now, whatever she did, but she reasoned that she would be in a lot more trouble if Adam had to break down the door.

"Louise, don't make me count to three. If I have to break down this door, you and I will be having a very …"

"Alright, alright," Louise cried, jumping off her bed and running to unbolt the door. She ran back to her position on the bed before Adam could even enter.

Louise expected Adam to come in and do exactly what he had threatened to do downstairs. But he didn't. He quietly opened the door and just stood on the threshold, holding in his hands the note that Joe had found on the floor in his room.

"What is this?"

"A note," Louise said sarcastically.

"Watch it," Adam warned. "I know what it is, but what does it mean?"

"I thought I wrote it quite plain." She reached out and took the note from him before settling back and reading it out loud. It was badly spelt and written in rushed, untidy writing, but Louise read it clearly. "Dear Pa, Adam, Hoss and Joe. I am going away and never coming back. Don't come after me because you will never find me. I am going somewhere where you won't find me. I don't love you anymore, and I know that you can't love me. It is better this way. Pa, I'm sorry if I was a disappointment to you. Maybe Miss Alice will give you the perfect daughter once you're married. Adam, you gave me some good advice, but it's not for me. Thanks anyway. Hoss, I wish I could have had one last teddy-bear hug before I went, but I couldn't let you know that I was going. Joe, I'm not mad at you for what you said, and this has nothing to do with it, I promise. I just have to go. Good-bye, and please try to forget me. It's better that way. Louise." Louise sighed, "I think I wrote it perfectly plainly. I can't see what you don't understand!" She looked up and was surprised to see tears in Adam's eyes.

"Adam?" Louise said, and was even more surprised to find that tears were springing to her own eyes. "Why are you … are you crying?"

"Yes, Louise," Adam said, sitting down in front of her on the bed. "This letter makes me very sad."

"Why?" Louise asked. But she already knew the answer.

"Because I love you, and we all do, and I'm wondering where I've failed to show you that love that I feel."

Louise's face crumpled up and she burst into tears. Adam didn't say anything, he just picked her up and put her on his lap, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight.

"I couldn't stand not having you around, Louise."

"Adam, oh, Adam, I'm so confused. I'm scared. I don't know which way to turn!"

"And running from things was the only way that you could think of?" Adam asked softly.

Louise nodded her head.

"Where did things start going wrong? Let big brother help you. That's what family's all about. They help each other through tough times, and have fun together during the easy times."

"Well, everything went wrong when Pa announced that he was going to marry Miss Alice."

"Louise," Adam said with a sigh of annoyance. "You know we've been through all of this."

"Yes, we have – but you haven't given me a good enough answer to make me understand. When you do, I will be happy to go along with everything, but as you haven't made me understand, I am guessing that there is no answer to my questions."

"There are plenty of answers, you are just too stubborn to hear them, and too proud to agree that you are in the wrong."

"I'm not proud!"

"Saying that has just confirmed that you are. Most people have a certain amount of pride in them, whether they're proud of their pride, or proud of their humility."

"You sound like one of your books," Louise said with disgust. "Anyway, I thought you wanted to help me, so you'll have to hear me out first without any more interruptions."

"I'll hear you out Louise, but on one condition."

"What's that?" Louise asked.

"That you hear me out after I've listened to you."

Louise reluctantly agreed.

"Alright, well, I felt mad and confused afterwards, as you already know. And that hasn't changed since. But things got worse at school. The reason Jason and I were fighting was because … well Jason said something that got me really angry and even more confused. But there was something else, too. It made me scared – and I didn't know how to face this new feeling. It's not that I've never been scared before, because as you know, I have. I get scared almost every week when either you or Pa start yelling at me – I know, I know, it's my own fault. But anyway, I didn't know what to do. This was a different reaction and a new idea to this whole re-marrying business, and I didn't like it."

"So the fight started because of something Jason said about Pa and Alice?"

"No interruptions," Louise scolded, and was rewarded with a swat to her backside. It was then that she realized that her rear end was in a dangerous position on Adam's lap, so she decided to keep a careful check on her sass. "Well, after school Joe and I had this argument, and he made me so mad I rode into the yard really fast and you made me real mad because you punished me for it – though I do know why you did. Then Pa came home with Miss Alice which made me even more mad, and he gave me this talking to, and then I went downstairs and Miss Alice was real sweet to me, and I just couldn't take it. Why did she have to be so nice to me when I hated her so for ruining my day at school, ruining my chances of sitting comfortably, and for ruining my future life with my family? After she left, Pa punished me, and then I was really mad. I was mad at him, but even worse, I was mad at myself. I … I've only just realized that, though. I guess it never does you any good to be mad at yourself, because then you're at war with yourself, and you're stuck with yourself for life. Well, anyway, I decided that I may be stuck with myself for life – but I wasn't going to stay here a minute longer and have my life be changed for me. So I left – and that's the whole story."

Adam paused a moment before he spoke.

"Louise, you could have died!"

"What do you mean?" Louise asked, startled.

"What if you had got shot instead of James Corby? How could we have lived another day knowing that you had run away leaving a note that said you didn't love us, and that we could never have another chance to show you our love? Louise – can't you see? The good Lord spared you from getting hurt. A stray shot and you could have been dead!"

"I … I never thought of that," Louise said defensively. "How was I to know that the bank was going to get robbed the night I chose to leave?"

Adam sighed and pulled Louise close. He didn't speak for a moment, and Louise couldn't help but notice a slight shudder penetrate his body. Finally, a new question came to Adam's mind.

"What did Jason say?"

Louise looked down at her lap and didn't say anything.

"Are you going to tell me?"

Louise shook her head.

"Why not?"

Louise shook her head again.

"Answers, please!"

Adam's voice sounded stern, so Louise's head shot up and she said, "Oh … uh … no, Adam!"

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. "Let's see. Jason said something that made you really mad, but it made you sad too. It made you feel confused, so it was something that you didn't want to believe but you were afraid might be true. Is that correct?"

Louise stared at Adam. She knew he was good at working things out, but she didn't know he was _that_ good. "Adam, that's just scary."

Adam grinned and went on, "So, let's see what it could have been."

"You'll never guess. It's too awful to be true – but, I mean … argh!" Louise gripped her head with her hands in frustration, "Forget it, Adam. I can't talk about it."

"Alright," Adam said slowly, taking in his sister's actions and words. "Moving on then. Running off was not the answer to escaping all of your problems. You only get more problems to deal with. The soldier ran because he didn't want to die, but he faced the firing squad for deserting. The outlaw ran because he didn't want a life sentence, but he got a bullet in his back to stop him from escaping. The nine year old girl ran to escape a new life, but still got the new life and a tanning added to it."

Louise looked up nervously, "Are you going to … to put me across your knee? I did speak awfully to you downstairs. You kind of got my dander up."

"So I noticed."

"Well, are you?"

"I'll leave you wondering for a little longer, Louise, because I haven't made up my mind yet. But whether I do or I don't, Pa's going to be having his own talk with you."

"I know," Louise said, hanging her head. "That's why I was hoping you wouldn't."

Adam sighed. "Louise, do you realize that in running away, more could have happened than has happened. You could have been hit with one of the outlaws' bullets. If you had …" he broke off.

"But I'm here. I'm not dead or injured or …"

"But the fact is you could have been!"

"The fact is I'm not!" Louise replied.

"Louise," Adam continued. "Your escapade was wrong, dangerous, and selfish – I could label it as so many things right now."

"Please don't. It makes the outcome seem so much worse," Louise said with a grimace.

"Well, don't you deserve it? Tell me honestly one reason why you don't. Give me one good reason."

"I can't, because I was stupid. I shouldn't have left. I already missed you all by the time I was in Virginia City, but I didn't want to admit that to you downstairs because I knew I was wrong and you were right, and I was also mad at you again because you were yelling at me. You know I'm just like you, Adam. When you're stubborn, I'm stubborn. When you're mad, I'm mad." She wiped away a drying tear that had settled on his cheek, and there was a tremble in her voice when she spoke. "When you cry, I cry."

Adam picked up her hand and kissed it, "No more tears."

"No more tears," she promised. "So long as you promise not to get upset! You're meant to be strong and let me cry, not the other way around." She smiled at Adam, and he smiled back.

"Louise, I need you to get some sleep now."

"You're going to leave it to Pa to deal with me then?" Louise asked hopefully.

"I didn't say that. All I said was you need some sleep."

"Great," Louise said, rolling her eyes as she crawled off Adam's lap. "Thanks for the consolation."

"Anytime, little sister," Adam said, smiling.

Louise stood up and got her nightdress out in a pensive manner, and Adam turned to go. As he took a step out of her room, Louise called to him.

"Adam, when Ma died, did you see it happen?"

"Yes, Louise, I did."

"She fell off her horse – right?"

"Her horse fell, and she went with it. He crushed her."

"And it was an accident – right?"

"Of course it was!" Adam said with a frown.

"How did he fall?"

"He lost his footing and tripped. That's why Pa's banned cantering and galloping into the yard."

"Wasn't it a new horse that Pa had brought back for Ma on a trip?"

"That's right. A fine horse it was, too. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering," Louise said dismissively.

Adam scrutinized her for a minute, making Louise feel very uncomfortable.

"I need to change – so I can get the sleep that you said I need. Can you go now?"

Adam shook his head and took a step into her room. "Alright, what aren't you telling me?"

"I've told you everything!" Louise lied.

"No you haven't. You refused to tell me what Jason said to you, and that's what's bothering you and making you ask me all sorts of funny questions! What is making you so upset?"

"Pa's being disloyal to the rest of the family," Louise declared, "and that, Adam Cartwright, is what is making me so upset."

"Stop being so selfish!"

Adam's words startled Louise.

"Me? Selfish?"

"Pa's thinking of you, too, in his decision. I think you need to think of things from his point of view for a change. As head of the house, he thinks from everyone's point of view. It's about time you did the same."

Louise fumbled to find her words, "What … what do you mean, Adam?"

"You have never had a woman around, and what a daughter needs is a mother. Yes, Pa has been father and mother to you – but a girl needs more than that sometimes. And so Pa has settled on Miss Alice to be the one. You've always liked Miss Alice and got on well with her, with the exception of the few times that she's commented on your wild and tomboyish ways. But she's only ever done so with the best of intentions – and Pa has proposed to Alice with intentions not only for his own desires to have a help-meet, but to provide for his precious daughter's needs. It's about time you saw that, because I'm tired of thinking of new ways to put it to you! Good-night!"

Louise stared after Adam as he left her room, shutting the door behind him. Was what he said true? Had she been selfish and only seen things from her point of view? Could it be true that Ben had made his decision partly with her in mind?

She sank onto the bed as these thoughts flooded her mind. How could she have even considered Jason's words to be true? Louise's shoulders began to shake with emotion, and it wasn't long before she threw herself on her bed, and let her sobs take over.

* * *

**Well, what do you think? Adam has by no means finished talking to Louise yet - but he just wants his words to sink in for the night. He'll have more to say in the next chapter. What do you think about the shooting in Virginia City? How will this tie in with the rest of the story? Well, you'll have to wait to find out! Please review this chapter, everyone. I really, really want to hear from you. Your reviews make me very happy! :-)**


	6. Starting to Accept

**Well, here's the next installment to Adam's talk with Louise. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Sorry once more for another long delay in updating. Work exhausts me, and then when I get home (if I have any energy left) I have to do my piano practice. Soon my piano exam will be all over, and I will have more time for writing. The story is almost complete (as in writing, not posting), but I've still got a few more chapters to write. I try to keep a couple of chapters ahead each time I post. Well, enough from me - enjoy reading!**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Starting to Accept**

The next morning, Louise did not want to get out of bed. She didn't want to face Adam, and she didn't want to face Ben. She didn't want to see anyone. She had been childish and stupid running away last night, and she knew it. She also knew that Adam still hadn't told her if he was going to deal with her. The dread of speaking to her eldest brother caused her to pull the sheets round her and remain under the covers.

She had a lot to think about.

Her talk with Adam that night had made her feel like she was the only one in the wrong, and she didn't like that feeling at all. When she had been blaming Ben and Alice, and even getting cross with her brothers, could it be that she was the one who was wrong? Was she kicking up a fuss for nothing? Was it true that she was at war with herself, and not at the family as she had thought?

This new thought was painful, and she knew that she deserved whatever was coming her way. She had been rude to Adam, even Joe, and most importantly, she had been very disrespectful to both Ben and Alice. How could she have been so selfish?

Again the longing to run away came over Louise, but this time it was because of her shame.

"_Adam's right,"_ Louise thought to herself. _"I am proud. Awfully proud! I need to admit that I was wrong, and face what's coming to me. I've got a lot to expect!"_

Louise grimaced. She could still feel a remnant of the talk that she had had with Ben over the fighting, and the last thing she wanted was another talk or two on top of that. But face her mistakes and wrongdoings she must, so Louise forced herself up and out of her bed. She quickly dressed and then opened the door of her room and went downstairs. Much to her relief, Ben was not downstairs, so Louise quickly surmised that he was still in town.

But Adam was downstairs.

He was sat with his elbows on the table, leaning forwards as he sipped at a cup of coffee ponderously.

Louise gathered all of her courage, and made her way down the stairs.

Adam looked up. "So you're up at last. I was wondering whether to wake you up, but decided that after your night's escapade, you might want a little sleep."

Louise blushed and then frowned as she remembered. "What about school? I'll be late."

"You have three quarters of an hour to grab some food. Plenty of time! Joe's doing your morning chores so we can talk. There's some breakfast for you in the kitchen, get it and bring it here."

Louise ran to obey, and brought out a plate of food. Setting it at her place at the table, Louise sat down, said grace, and then started eating.

"Have you thought about what we talked about last night?" Adam asked after a pause.

Louise swallowed her mouthful and nodded her head. "Yes! You were absolutely right, Adam – and I was so wrong. How could I have been so stupid? You were right about kicking and screaming all the way. Maybe I wasn't doing that literally, but it was the same sort of thing. Slighting everyone, acting so stupidly in running away … it was just what you had warned me about. But I didn't listen – or if I did, then I took your advice the wrong way. I made up my mind to fight, and to win that fight, and not give in. How wrong could I be?"

"I'm glad to see that you've come to your senses."

"Are you going to punish me, Adam?" Louise asked fearfully.

"Are you just agreeing with me just so that you can get out of a tanning – because that won't work?!"

"Oh, no Adam! I wouldn't do that!"

"Hmm," Adam said thoughtfully, not quite sure whether that was true or not. "Well, I've been thinking, and I've decided that concerning running away, I've talked to you and I'll leave the other end of talking to Pa."

Louise jumped up from her seat and threw her arms around Adam. "Thank you, Adam! I appreciate that!"

She jumped with surprise when Adam swiftly tipped her over his knee and made good his threat of the night before. When he finally let her back up, she was fighting the tears that were stinging her eyes. Adam's resolve almost melted at the watery look in her wide emerald eyes, but he knew that there were some things that had been left unsaid that needed to be said. He frowned and spoke firmly.

"But Louise, you listen to me when I say this! If you ever disrespect me again like you did last night, then you will not only find yourself over my knee, but I will tell Pa and you know what he will say! I may not be your Pa, but I am your older brother, and I deserve respect. I may have let you get away with a lot more than Pa does – and maybe I've made a mistake doing that – " Louise's face clouded for a moment, "but that doesn't mean that you can get away with sassing me and treating me like dirt. That's right, dirt – because that's the only way you've regarded your family recently, if we've been fortunate to be regarded by you at all! I should have dealt with you straight away last night, but I didn't because Joe showed me the note you had left, and I was taken aback and hurt by what you had written. You've done nothing but hurt a lot of people recently, and that has to change!"

Louise looked down at her feet and murmured tearfully, "I'm sorry."

Adam's voice softened, but it was still firm. "I know you're sorry, but I'm not the only one you need to say sorry to. I know you've hurt Hoss' feelings a few times, and what about Joe? You refused to talk to him last night! How about Pa? You've avoided him whenever you could, and when you've had to speak you've snapped and spat out! You've been living on an ice rink, little sister – and you've broken through the ice far too many times."

"I know – and I said I was sorry!"

"And I think Miss Alice deserves an apology, too!"

"Her? I mean, Miss Alice? Oh, Adam, do I have to?"

"Louise, Pa's going to insist it, too – so it's up to you whether you put up yet another fuss and land yourself in even more trouble or just do as you are told."

"I guess I'd better do as I'm told," Louise mumbled.

"Well, you guess right," Adam said. He sighed, "Little Lou, I love you very much. The only reason we punish and scold you is to make you a better person. Why? Because we love you so much, we want you to be good and kind and be liked by everyone. A spoiled brat isn't going to have nice friends, is she?"

"No," Louise admitted. "But I'm not a spoiled brat!"

"You've been acting like one recently, and we don't want that from you! Come on, give me a hug and a kiss and then you'd better finish your milk."

Louise climbed onto Adam's lap and laid her cheek against his chest. He felt so warm and strong and protective. Louise felt Adam stroke her back with his hand, and relaxed. His hands were there to protect her, to tan her if she did wrong, but to love her when she needed love. Louise had never realized quite how much she appreciated the fact that her family cared for her to the extent they did. She often took it for granted. But strangely, even though she dreaded the thought of her talk with Ben when he got home, she was grateful that they loved her so much that they taught her right from wrong.

"_How could I question their love,"_ Louise thought, _"when they demonstrate it to me in every kiss, hug, and the many times that they sacrifice their time for me?"_

Louise put her arms around Adam's neck, and pulled him close. Kissing his cheek, she whispered, "I love you," and then slid off his lap.

Adam watched Louise skip away and out of the house with her schoolbooks. He hated to have to deal with her, and Ben was certain to deal with Louise later. Adam sighed. Were they to have peace and a happy family at last? Was Louise finally going to accept Alice? Could they become a happy family once again, and now invite Alice to be a part of that? Adam hoped so – for he knew that that was what Ben and Alice needed. In fact, Adam realized that they all needed it – even Louise.

* * *

Louise rode to school with a lighter heart that morning, despite her punishment from Adam. She was glad it was over. She had cleaned part of her slate, having apologized to Adam and Hoss before she had left – and now all she had left were Joe, Ben and Miss Alice.

She squeezed Salt forwards so that she rode side by side with Joe.

"Joe," she said.

Joe carried on looking forwards and did not answer.

"_Great!"_ Louise thought sarcastically. She felt like leaving Joe to mope by himself, but decided against it. "Joe, I shouldn't have lost my temper and ignored you and of course I forgive you and do you forgive me because I'm very, very sorry?!" she said in one breath.

Joe turned to look at her. "You were awful fiery yesterday!"

"I know. I was wrong!"

"And you said some pretty mean things. You called me a liar and threatened to hit me."

"I know – but I wouldn't have hit you really. I was just … well … mad!"

"And you did ignore me when I tried to apologize to you last night."

"I just wanted to make you suffer for hurting me."

"But despite all of that, I forgive you."

Louise's face lit up, "You do?"

"Sure, little sister. After all, seems to me you've got enough to fight without fighting me, too."

"No, Joe," Louise said. "I'm not going to fight anymore."

"You're not?" Joe's face was one of surprise. "Phew, what did Adam do to change your mind?"

Louise grinned, "Well, it was actually the verbal talking that changed my mind – the other kind came after. I realized a lot of things last night."

"Well, I owe Adam a lot more credit than I've ever given him. I knew he could read minds, but change the mind of the most stubborn creature on God's earth – I never counted on him doing that."

Louise hit out at Joe playfully, "Oh, stop it! I'm not as bad as all that!"

Joe just raised his eyebrows.

"Come on," Louise said. "Let's have a race. From here to the cherry tree!"

She didn't have time to finish, for Joe had already kicked Cochise on.

"Alright, Salt. Let's show Little Joe how fast you can go. Too bad he needs a head start!" And with an impish grin on her face, Louise kicked Salt on to another triumph.

* * *

Louise expected her day at school to be a difficult one. She was certain that Jason would take his revenge on her today, but as the day went on, Jason did not pull pranks or approach her. He didn't even send his little brother, Walt, to be his messenger. He was training his brother to be a taunting bully, too, and Louise was certain that before long, Walt and Jason would team up together and become a formidable twosome.

As the day wore on, Louise grew more and more nervous. She had expected Jason to avenge himself, and now that he hadn't, she was afraid that he had something big planned. What could he have up his sleeve?

By the end of the school day, Jason had not come near Louise at all. The minute school was out, Marty and Ellie-Ann set about congratulating Louise on shaking off the bully. Louise was not convinced.

"He's staying clear alright, but only while things calm down. As soon as Miss Munroe relaxes and takes her eye off of him, he's gonna hit."

"Do you think? I mean, are you sure? What do you think he'll do?" Marty blurted out.

"I don't know," Louise said with a shrug. "But I guess I'll find out."

She sighed as she headed to get Salt. She didn't want to go home. She knew her family forgave her, but she still had to face Ben and apologize to him. And that was the hardest part of all, because he had yet to talk to her about running away, and Louise knew that that was a talk she would rather miss. But she had made her decisions, and now she had to face the consequences.

"_More's the pity,"_ Louise thought to herself as she mounted her pony. Joe mounted Cochise beside her, and then they both kicked their horses on, and headed for the Ponderosa.

* * *

**Well, there we go. I hope you enjoyed that one. Ben's talk with Lou next - and Louise needs to apologize to Alice. But how is Alice coping after the death of her father? Will she still be the same person that Ben fell in love with - or will the grief have changed her? Have we heard the last from the three outlaws - or will they make another appearance in a later chapter? Come back to read more - and please review with your thoughts, questions and ideas. I love to hear from you all. ;-)**


End file.
